I spent today celebrating love at the New York City Pride Parade, and for someone who doesn’t like being in crowds (unless it’s for music) and who has never been to an NYC parade before, I was actually very excited to be a part of this.
While today was an amazing and unforgettable experience, I’m currently at home, writing this instead of working, because something happened that made my heart feel heavy.
When I got to my last subway transfer to go home, I was excited to sit down and rest after a long day. A boy who was around 19 years old immediately scooted over because I was holding a rainbow flag in my hands.
“Get that shit away from me,” he mumbled. I didn’t know he was even talking about me because I was too busy trying to set up my earphones for the rest of the train ride, but then he continued. “Our fuckin generation, man. Fuck faggots. I’m too gangsta for that shit.” (Yes, those were his exact words).
I didn’t really know what to do. Put my earphones in and ignore it? Stand up and say something? Get off because he might get so hostile that he tries to hurt someone?
Last minute, I decided to get off the train and wait for the next. I texted my pledge sister immediately after it happened because she was the one who I spent the whole day celebrating with. I also mentioned that even before pride started, I was actually even wondering ‘what if a shooting happens?’
This is the world we live in.
When I got home, eager to wash off all of the sweat and emotion from today’s events, I began to think… Was it selfish of me to worry about all of the things that gay people have to struggle with every day? Was I just another straight, millennial woman making myself oppressed by something that I don’t actually have to deal with? Was I making this about me?
Maybe by writing this blog post, I am. (And maybe putting myself as the main photo also doesn’t help???)
It’s sometimes hard to distinguish when you yourself are being problematic, and it legit worries me if I’m actually keeping myself informed or if I’m just another fake woke 20-something-year-old running around with bullshit coming out of my mouth. And whenever I am, I’m always grateful for the people who take their time to correct and educate me.
With all that being said, the sad shit going on in the world really makes you wonder if things ever really changed, or if we simulate a “better world” by repackaging hate in a new way.
I grew up religious, believing gayness was a choice and a sin, and wanting to live my life the way God intended it—submitting to whatever my husband’s wants.
But despite what Trump and the KKK want you to believe, God isn’t about spewing hate or showing hostility to others—he accepts and loves everyone the way he created them.
I hope that love that I was taught so strongly about can reach everyone’s hearts.