I honestly think that it’s dumb that a lot of my friends try to hide the fact that they’re on Tinder. It’s 20-fucking-16 and dating apps are a “normal” way of meeting people! There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
If you know me personally, then you know that I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m on Tinder. I joke about desperately trying to find my soul mate on dating apps, but that’s not a complete lie. For a long time, Tinder was my only way of meeting people and I only dated people I met through it.
I actually learned a lot from the guys I’ve met on Tinder, so here I am alive and un-catfished *knocks on wood* to tell the story. If you’re thinking of using a dating app, I’d say to go for it, but just keep these four things in mind before doing so:
Texting chemistry is a real thing
The first Tinder date I ever had was with a guy I was speaking to for about a month. I messaged him because we were both in Greek Letter Organizations and I had a thing for frat boys since I was fairly new in my sorority.
It was kind of cute. We both had never met anyone through Tinder, so it was new to us. He would message me good morning and good night every day. He was overall a really nice guy with good intentions.
The only problem was he was all the way boring.
It was the same shit, different day – How was work? What did you do today? What are your plans for this weekend? I realized we didn’t have much in common besides the fact that we were both in Greek life.
After a month of boring conversation, we finally met, and it wasn’t surprising that our date was really boring too. We had already talked all day, and all day every day before that, so there was really nothing left to talk about. Needless to say, we didn’t see each other again after that.
Only do what you’re comfortable with
The second Tinder date I had was a hot ass mess. He was literally beautiful and really funny, but kind of an asshole. I didn’t mind because I was kind of a bitch anyway. I don’t even think it really counts as a date because I just made him pick me up from this party so we could hang out and watch Netflix at his apartment. That night I learned what “Netflix and chill” really meant, the hard way. No pun intended.
I knew that people used Tinder mostly as a sex app, so I warned him that I was only down to hang out, and not do anything more than that. He was fine with that… until we got to his apartment. Then he didn’t like the fact that I only wanted to hang out.
So that’s where the next lesson comes in: Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Better yet, don’t put yourself in a dangerous situation like I did, especially when he’s your ride home and you’ve never even met the person yet.
Luckily, I’m alive and well, and I don’t regret anything, even if it wasn’t the best experience.
Everyone lies on their dating profile
My third Tinder date was with someone I matched with both on OkCupid and Tinder, but we started talking through Tinder. He was the prototype of my ideal guy and I ended up seeing him for quite a while. He was cute, funny, nice, was the only one who truly understood my sense of humor and was never offended by anything I had to say.
The second I met him, I gave him attitude. As we walked to our destination, I asked him “Do you even know where we’re going?” He told me to relax and I replied with “Well, maybe you should plan better when you take someone out on a date.” This was pretty much how our whole relationship was. Being with him was fun, playful, never boring – it was easy to comfortably be myself with him.
Now I’m not calling him a liar, because I actually still really care about him. But his profile saying that he wasn’t looking for anything casual gave me the impression that he wanted something serious. When we finally had the talk and he told me that he didn’t want a relationship, after we had been seeing each other for so long, it left me feeling so confused and hurt.
But that’s the thing, I guess we all bend the truth to make ourselves a little more marketable. Like for me, I make myself out to be this chill ass, funny girl who doesn’t give a fuck, but in reality, I give a whole bunch of fucks.
I guess another lesson to come from this is keep your expectations low, or don’t have any at all.
Have an idea of what you want before starting anything
Because of what I had gone through with the previous guy, it made dating Tinder Guy #4 pretty easy. I knew that I wasn’t ready to have another friends with benefits type of situation – I wanted something real this time.
Being hurt gave me the confidence to say what I want right away instead of wasting my time and beating around the bush, hoping and waiting for something more. So when I went on a couple of dates with this guy, and it didn’t feel like we were on the same page – it was easy to drop him and move on.
It’s not the easiest to know what you want before you meet someone. I started off going on Tinder because it seemed like a fun dating app, and I thought I’d use it to figure out what I want. But this is something definitely valuable that I learned on my Tinder journey, and it could help you too.
Putting yourself out there is hard because it means there will be rejection in all forms, whether it’s online, at a bar, at school or work – anywhere really. I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel a pinch of sadness every time I swipe right and don’t automatically get a match.
But, rejection isn’t all that bad as it sounds like. It makes us online daters stronger because we’re exposed to it so much more. If you can’t deal with it, you probably shouldn’t join.