He goes by Drizzy, The Boy, 6 God, Champagne Papi or, for the common folk, Drake.
He’s there for us through all of our relationship problems, and makes us feel a little less pathetic for still loving that special someone who will never love us back.
Some may call Drake “soft,” but actually, he’s understanding, sensitive, caring and would do anything for his girl, even if the relationship is already over.
Although some people only pretend to have Drake feelings (looking at you, fuckboys), most of us actually relate to him.
Here are the nine stages of a relationship, as told by Drake songs.
Stage 1: Single As Fuck, “The Motto”
You don’t need anybody. All that matters is your squad and your money.
In fact, the curve game is so strong, you barely even notice when people attempt to approach you.
But here and there, during a night of a little poor judgment and a lot of alcohol, you’ll go home with someone.
Or maybe, this is the stage when you go on three Tinder dates a week.
I mean, you’re just having fun, so who gives a fuck?
Stage 2: The Talking Stage, “Right Hand”
You’ve been dating around a lot lately and meeting some cool people, but there’s this one person you can’t stop texting funny memes to. When something either equally exciting or annoying happens, they’re the first person you text.
They get you. You get them. You two just click.
This person likes the same music as you do, they make you laugh and you even want to hang out with them outside of your apartments.
You want to get to know each other, so you do.
Stage 3 (Optional): Fuck Buddies, “Sweeterman (Remix)”
This is where things get weird.
While some people skip this stage completely and go to stage four, others — the lucky ones — end amicably at this stage.
The unlucky ones go through this stage thinking they’re strong enough, but unfortunately end up going through the full nine stages.
The fuck buddy stage is something a lot of us Millennials go through.
We go into the dating game just for fun and think that we don’t want something serious. So, both parties agree to just have casual sex. And it’s amazing.
You’re having consistent sex with someone who doesn’t repulse you and actually kind of cares about you? It’s a win-win.
As mentioned before, if you’re lucky, you keep things casual until you’re both ready move onto someone else. You may even stay friends afterwards.
If you’re unlucky, one of you fucks up and moves onto the next stage.
Stage 4: Catching Feelings, “Hold On, We’re Going Home”
After spending so much time together, you fall into a routine.
Texting becomes a daily habit, and you enjoy this person’s company a little too much.
You start to miss them as soon as you say goodbye.
You want to see the person more, but you don’t want to seem clingy or needy. Because you’re not those things… even if you really want to just be with them, talk to them, kiss them… You just can’t stop thinking about them.
If you’re here from the fuck buddy stage, and this person feels the same way, congrats. You move to stage five!
For the really unlucky ones, skip to stage six.
Stage 5: The Honeymoon Stage, “Best I Ever Had”
You don’t know what love is, but you’re sure this is pretty damn close.
You can’t get enough of this person.
You’re dating and get to do all that cute romantic stuff I wouldn’t know anything about.
It’s not important, though; in Drake time, the honeymoon stage doesn’t ever last too long.
Stage 6: The Breakup, “Now & Forever”
Whatever happened, it’s over. And it isn’t pretty.
This is the reminder that happily ever afters don’t exist.
Thanks, Nicholas Sparks. Thanks, Disney.
Stage 7: Bargaining, “Hotline Bling”
It’s not fun being lonely.
You start to miss this person.
You only think about the good memories, and somehow, the reason why you broke up doesn’t seem so bad after all.
You wake up every hour to check your phone and see if maybe they texted you. You start stalking the person on social media to make sure they haven’t moved on yet.
So, this internal battle of whether or not you should say something to this person ignites, but you’ll probably lose this battle and move onto stage eight.
Stage 8: The (Attempt) Make Up, “Marvin’s Room”
Something triggers you.
Maybe it was something in the person’s Snapchat story that made you think they were on a date.
Maybe the person’s relationship status on Facebook finally changed back to “single.”
Maybe you see the person is constantly active on the dating app you matched on.
But, you want the person back, and you want him or her back now.
So, you call him up and say he can do better.
Then he tells you the person in the Snap story was his sister.
You admit you’re a little bit crazy, but it’s okay because then you have some insane make-up sex.
Stage 9: Forever Alone, “Company”
Heartbreak is Drake’s specialty, so this stage is where all the creative juices start flowing.
You try to keep busy by hanging out with friends, picking up old hobbies and focusing more on school and work, but one thing you’re really trying to do is move on.
Sometimes, that means rebounding.
So, the cycle restarts, and you find you’re doing this shit back to back.
I know what you’re thinking: “Oh man, not again.”
Also published on Elite Daily